maybe i jumped the gun a bit...

after laying it all out about exactly how much i do not enjoy my new job, i did a LOT of thinking, writing, praying and stewing about the situation. i had really felt that this was the job i was supposed to take, everything fell in line exactly, and i had peace.
then i actually started the job and my peace took a vacation-in it's place, doubt took up residence. i've been feeling inadequate, incompetent, and incapable. i've been cranky and whiny, and i've had a roaring headache every single evening. i've had horrible days even when i am determined to be positive and let the Spirit shine through. i've felt deflated and defeated, and i guess i just had to come to that point. i let it out. i put it on the line. i made up my mind that if something didn't change remarkably for the positive yesterday, i was putting in my notice.
i talked to God the whole way to work-i normally do this, but yesterday morning it was a bit of a different kind of talk. i am not always one to take an authoritative determined tone with my Creator. i mean, He has my whole life in His Hands...who am i to tell Him how things really need to be, or else? hahah. i am really glad He's got a sense of humor, and that He loves me. in a way, i almost feel like He wanted me to get to the point where i was going to be decisive and resolute. and boy was i.
i told Him i couldn't do it anymore. i wouldn't do it anymore. i didn't have it in me, and if that drastic, positive change didn't happen-and happen before i left at 3:30-that was it.
i asked (i won't say demanded because that doesn't sound as "nice" as asked, but you may draw your own conclusions as to why i put this here in parenthesis;) )Him for clear guidance and also for a miracle.
i get to work around 8:30. At around 9:15, He sent me an angel named Mrs. Shelia. Mrs. Shelia happened upon an old posting for a position at the center. she thought she'd come in to see if there was anything available...she has worked for decades with special needs children, children with behavioral difficulties, and pretty much every other kind of child you can think of. in the hour she spent with us, she saw the dark side of every child in the class, and she kept her cool. she redirected, and commanded respect. she was firm, but not mean. she was authoritative, but not domineering. she has heaps and yards and years of experience, and she is heaven sent. she also paid me the nicest, most sincere compliment i've received in a loooooong while, it brought tears to my eyes, but also made me laugh out loud. she is starting in the early part of next week, and will be my co-teacher.
so i guess i am holding off on throwing in the towel. i've had my little hissy fit, and i actually do feel a little better. i still have the car issue to deal with, but i am confident that my Father will work that out as well. i have once again been reminded that He does hear me, He knows what i need, and He wants me to trust Him for it. All of it.


this is what makes me smile:
gigantic old trees.

it's what i do best

well. it's been quite a few weeks since my last contribution here, so i guess i'll throw one in now.i started working about two weeks ago at the preschool mentioned previously. i have to say that i honestly hate it. i spend my days being hit, kicked, headbutted, spit on, and yelled at by a group full of the most disrespectful, wild four-year-olds i have ever had the displeasure of meeting. i spend my evenings stewing over the days events, and being way too cranky with hannah. i am not happy, and i have nothing positive to say-about anything really. i have never, in my decade of working with children, ever felt so useless and incompetent as i do in this position. i have decided to continue my job search, and as soon as i find something else, i will give notice and leave. i feel selfish for deciding this, it took me so long to find this job, and i was so thankful to have the opportunity. now i feel like i am just giong to toss it away, oh well. call me a quitter.


this is what makes me happy:
Hanninja.



also:
family togetherness.

sunset after hanna

...He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed. Psalm 107:29

today we were visited by tropical storm hanna. she brought us the gift of rain we'd been needing, and a little bit of wind just for some excitement.
i slept like a baby until late in the morning, and then took another afternoon nap later on. it was the perfect day to do nothing, so that's just what i did. the rain stopped about an hour before sunset, and the following pictures are of the extreme western end of the storm.

this is what makes me happy:
natural beauty.

HALLELJAH!!

i got a job today!! i got a job today!!

awesomeness, awesomeness, awesomeness!
i have been waiting and searching and praying for a job since last november when we moved here. i had a couple of good interviews but nothing that really felt like a good "fit". finally, i've think i've found a place where i can be happy, and where i am needed-it's an awesome feeling!

i will be working with 3 and 4 year olds in a preschool about half an hour away from my house. the drive is a beautiful one around curvy roads and up and down beautiful hills and valleys. the staff and directors seemed really nice, and felt like i would be a really good addition to the team, so i'm excited about that.

i met a few of the children who i'll have to put my professional training and God-given common sense to the test with. i am up for the challenge!
i am just so thankful i was able to find this place and that they are willing to work around my schedule so i can still spend my entire afternoon with the munchkin. that was my main prayer request, and it was answered! thank the Lord!

i guess that's all i have to say, i am just so excited and thankful. i will start monday or tuesday pending reference checks and paperwork completion. :) YAY!

thank you to all of you who prayed for me, i surely felt those prayers today!! (sorry about all of the exclaimation points-i am VERY EXCITED!!!)

this is what makes me happy:
an awesomely beautiful place to live, work, and drive.

tuesday morning

i went for a walk today after putting my daughter on the school bus. it was a beautiful, cool late summer morning, and i was blessed to be able to spend it outside taking in the loveliness of the countryside. i am so thankful to be able to live in such a beautiful, safe place!

last wednesday was the first day of school. for the first time in her school career, hannah had to wear a light jacket on the first day. we could see our breath as we walked. for those of you who know me personally, you will realize how special those simple details were for me. i had been away from "home" for almost a decade, and longed for it terribly while i was gone. what i missed the most were the four distinct seasons that we have here in the north east. while i was living in NC, it was common to have summer-like weather until the end of october and beyond. autumn was no more than a passing thought. unless you count the NC winters as being autumn, the temperatures were pretty comprable for that, but the beauty of the changing leaves was long gone by the time it was cool enough for a jacket. i never got used to warm weather and leaves falling at the same time. now, as each day passes and summer begins to fade, i can feel the promise fall in the air. the wonderful crisp mornings and evenings, the clear air, and leaves that are already begining to change their hues-all of these things make me ever more grateful that God has given me the gift of once again being "home".

this is what makes me smile:

having our own apple tree.