all these things sent me in search of my camera today. at this particular moment, i'm glad i splurged on the ridiculously over priced batteries.

we don't call it "the eagle tree" for nothing.

nothing too spectacular here, just a shimmering lake and some lovely shades of brown and blue..

my "church shoes"

                        

by far, the cutest thing i saw all day.

hibiscus tea. yum.

such a pretty sunset that even an out of focus picture can't take away its loveliness.

so cool. jupiter, moon, and venus. (and a photobombing jet.)

all of these things are a testament to God's love for me. (well...maybe not the jet. ;) )

His blessings are endless, He is my Joy, my Love, and my Peace.

pssssst! He loves you, too.

i spent yesterday most of the evening, and well past midnight reading a two volume story. it was a story about growth and stagnation, challenge and triumph..or failure. there were heartbreaks, joyous celebrations, and tantrums. at various times i wept; tears of joy, of anger, and of grief. there were moments when i wanted to scoop the main character up in my arms for a long, comforting hug, and other times when i just wanted to shake some sense into her. throughout the story there was always an underlying layer of  hopefulness versus hopelessness, and the consequences of each.
this was the story of a girl who most saw as having an abundance of potential and even a lot of natural ability, but unfortunately, who most also often saw as someone who didn't really need much help. this girl kind of got lost in the shuffle and was not comfortable reaching out for the assistance she desperately needed, so her talents and potential were wasted because of her inability to plan or just to really know where to turn for some concrete direction. or so she allowed herself to believe. at times she became bogged down in perceived helplessness and confusion. other times, she soared.
i noticed that, throughout the tale, the times the girl was most content were the times she seemed to be focusing her thoughts on God and seeking after His will. (duh, right?) it was the times when she allowed unholy distractions into her life, or put other things or people in a more elevated place than she should have, that things in her life went wonky and difficulties ensued. (again, duh.)
there was a "mostly" happy ending, but even with that there were major life challenges that the girl would be facing in the future. in the end, i was left with hopes for years filled with promise and joy,  and for her to reclaim the calling on her life.
it was a pretty good story, and there were some shockers in there that i wasn't expecting. this was strange, because the books were my journals from 1993-1999. there were also a lot of things that i was kind of surprised weren't in there. i am left with a feeling similar to the one i had when i first read The Bell Jar. i was absolutely convinced that i suffered from the same difficulties, and even diseases that Esther did. moreover, i felt i was Esther. i felt i was reading the story of my life. this time, at least i don't feel quite as crazy for feeling that way. ;)
so..i'm not sure what i want to do with these journals. part of me wants to hold on to them, because they really are a chronicle of some of the most difficult times in my life. looking back now, i can see so many things so clearly...it makes me feel a mixture of anger at and pity for myself, but almost as if it wasn't me..like this girl was a totally different person.  in a lot of ways, she was. so much of that girl is dead and buried with a shout of good riddance and a brief moment of mourning for all of the wasted years and energy. but you can't go back, can you? you just have to learn from your mistakes, and it really does help to be able to put things together and sort of figure out why i made some of the stupid choices that i did...not that it makes them okay..
there is another part of me that just wants to burn the journals. to symbolically (and literally) burn all the hurt and pain, and just be done with it once and for all. but then, i've done that before, and the only good it did was it gave me a reason to go out to the burn barrel and play with some matches for a little while.
i am so very thankful for being rescued from the place the Lord pulled me out of, so amazed that He still wanted me after all the careless ways i behaved. while i was reading, i felt like, even during my darkest days, i was always reaching toward Jesus, even when i was floundering and drowning...i just couldn't seem to keep my grasp. there were so many things weighing me down that i didn't even realize at the time. i am just glad He never let me go. ♥

"But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed. All of us, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned-every one of us-to our own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:5&6

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these should perish."
Matthew 18:12-14

thank You. ♥

it is amazing the amount of stuff a person can collect over the years. even after several moves and "downsizing" i still have more things than any one human being needs. so, i am trying to pare down all this stuff...again. where does it all come from??
i'm not really a pack rat, but i do tend to hold on to things that have sentimental value. or things that i find amusing. for example, i just ran across a little comic strip i drew one day while i was at work...15 years ago. hahaha...
i worked at Walden Books, and was assigned to man the middle of the mall calendar kiosk most days. there was a rather large, ugly sign that read, "DAY BY DAY CALENDAR COMPANY"  i basically stood there and people watched for most of the day-or chatted with the elderly gentlepeople who worked at Hickory Farms. (they gave me lots of delicious cheese & crackers.)
anyway, i enjoyed this job for the most part, except for the fact that people-mostly middle aged to older people-constantly asked if the items (which mostly had the upcoming year emblazoned on the front) were records. i heard a lot of, "RECORDS!? who even has a record player anymore???" (this was obviously before having a record player was fashionable again.) or "what are these things, LP's?" or, "do you have any Chicago?" and, "$12.89 for a RECORD??? that's INCREDIBLE!!" often, when i would explain that it was a calendar kiosk, and all we sold were calendars, i got this response, "well they look like records." sooo....the continuous comments and questions about the calendars being records got on my nerves. a lot.

things that do not happen every day.

today, three guineas chased me down a dirt path.
today, my grandma told me a story about my dad while i was sitting in the same room as she was.
today, josie beat me at a sliding board race.
today, hannah practiced her pratfalls...and actually didn't hurt herself.
today, a 2 year old handed me a flower.
today, my aunt gave me a hug.
today, my sister called and asked me to pick up a slushy on my way home.
today, i saw a righteous double sundog.
today, i fed one of the cutest boys i've ever seen mashed carrots and oatmeal.
today, my best friend invited me over for supper..and i was close enough to accept.
today, it was decided that pac-man party is really not my game.
today was a good day. :)


this is what makes me smile: hehehehh

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1

this is what makes me smile:
this old house.

there are not very many things as lovely as a cardinal sitting on a snow covered tree branch. :)

ever feel like you're just wandering around, not really knowing what to do, which way to go...or where to start? yep. me, too.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you." Psalm 32:8

there is a flock of wild chickens that lives down the road from my house. they like to chill in the middle of the road a lot of times, and when we first moved here i would slam on my brakes, or swerve to try to avoid hitting one (or more!) of them. i don't know when my actions changed, maybe they just morphed over time, but now-i don't swerve. i don't brake. i just continue...sometimes i actually speed up. those chickens are fast. and they seem to love to cut it really close with the cars, especially the roosters. i've never seen one of them laying along the side of the road, and i've noticed that none of the other local cars slow down either. it makes me wonder how long their little family has been around. and also, i hope i never run into them when i'm out for a jog...i'm pretty sure they could all take me.

today, i saw a pink and gray spotted pig eating leftover corn in a field just outside of town.
and that made me smile. :)