sometimes being alone is the most wonderful thing.
solitude can be a blessed retreat, and that is what i found today at a small impound lake i'd never visited before-and it's only 12 minutes away! for shame!!

for a while, i was the only human around. there were scores of geese, some ducks, and a few birds of other varieties i'm not sure of, lots of butterflies, bees, and dragonflies, and also huge fish that kept jumping out of the water. probably the coolest thing i saw was an osprey...i actually got to watch it swoop down and catch some lunch out of the lake. that was pretty cool, because the bird was under water for at least 3 seconds.

a bit later, a couple of guys took a small boat out and started fishing. the lake is in a basin, and i could totally hear every word they were saying, even when they were on the opposite shore, which was probably about 250 yards away. they were pretty amazed by the osprey, too. :)

some random photos from the day:

i was really digging the clouds today, in case you couldn't tell. ;)



this is what makes me smile:
probably one of the coolest photos i've ever taken. :)
(outside at home, i spotted a rogue firefly...caught it, and took it's picture.)

lots of things running through my mind today...
kinda makes me tired. haha.

i came across a box of old journals, notebooks, and folders full of writings. a lot of it is pretty bad..about half are letters written to people and never delivered, or to someone who will hopefully read them someday. lots of emotional poems, prayers, and some doodles.

blah de blaah bloo de blooh.


this is what makes me smile:
shadows.

what are you afraid of?

uncertainty stinks.
there is a quote i remember from a poster on the wall in one of my high school classrooms that says, "Information is the resolution of uncertainty." it was a horrible poster, a neon spray painted brick wall that had a fancy plaque with the quote on it in some formal type.
i didn't agree with it then, and i don't agree with it now. just because you know, that doesn't make you certain. in theory, it works. but you have to factor in the individual, and i have a history of being uncertain. of myself, of others, of pretty much everything. maybe this comes from over analyzing. maybe from a somewhat challenging childhood. maybe it just stems from my over all lack of self confidence. maybe it's just the way i operate. whatever it is, i can't seem to get a handle on my uncertainty. and it drives me bananas.
for example, today i attended the morning session of classes with the "new" students. willi (my instructor) kept looking to me to answer questions that the new people didn't know, but that she knew i did. ridiculously simple things like what is the action of the levator scapulae? i learned that the first class i attended, and have heard it probably in every one since then, but somehow, even though i knew that i knew the right answer...i was uncertain. like, perhaps they rewrote the medical dictionary over night and now it does something different than ELEVATE the SCAPULA! whatever, brain. you suck sometimes.
even with other things that i know...i will sit back and let someone else answer-just in case. i guess i am just scared of being wrong. but not really, because i am wrong all the time & it doesn't bother me so much that i don't do anything. nobody is right all the time! still, i know that's part of it. i pretty much just sit back and let other people do almost everything. maybe i'm just lazy. hah, nah, it's more than that.
i am not a big risk taker in general, it's really hard for me to step out and do something that is different, or could possibly land me in the reject pile. so i guess  my uncertainty=fear of rejection/failure. fear of not measuring up. fear. there it is. fear. and "God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7.
if there was no other reason for me to go on that missions trip back in 1995, having that verse power blasted into my spirit was enough. fear..i think almost all of my "problems" can be traced back to fear of something.  booo on fear.
i need to make myself step out more. but just the thought makes me uncertain that it will change anything for the better. uncertainty stinks. and so does going around in circles. sometimes, i wish i could pull a "fight club" and just beat the sense into myself.
 i need to take that power, and love and fly. the sound mind...yeah, that would be nice, too. why is that so hard to do??
ah. enough of the ruminating. for now.

**later** i guess this probably has something to do with pride, too. because, though my confidence IS lacking, i probably do strive too hard to protect what little ego i have left. :/  i guess this is all pretty "normal"...just a couple of the things i would really like to change about meself. i'm still a work in progress. :)
in the evening installment of classes, i answered lots of questions. a couple of them i got wrong, and guess what? i didn't die. or spontaneously combust. hooray for little steps. now to keep those feet moving...



this is what makes me smile:
dear deer.

on my way home from class this morning, i saw 2 eagles soaring around & i pulled off to the side of the road to TRY and take a picture (i did..but it just looks like a flying ice cream sprinkle or something). when i gave up, these two were standing right in front of me in the middle of the road...watching me. unfortunately, they are fast because that would have been a great picture.

last night, we lost power. it is really dark when the lights go out...and quiet-except for the hurricane outside. it also gets really HOT inside if it happens to be august, and there is tropical weather in the 'hood.

between the crazy darkness, the weird sound of the rain, and the uncomfortable temperature, i couldn't sleep a wink. so, i decided the solution was to open my window. make it louder..and hopefully cooler. most people do not have the advantage of 3 full feet of grapevine buffeting their windows from the elements. last night was one time i was glad we haven't gotten around to cutting the thing down. it literally covers 2/3 of the back of our house, and it blocked the rain from coming in the window very nicely. 

i think the coolest part about the storm was listening to the wind. it would gust for a few minutes, and then calm. during those lulls, you could hear the next gust coming as it rushed  over the hills, through the valleys and between the trees. it was a roar that grew steadily louder until it completely engulfed the house. 

today was rainy and windy until about 2pm when the most beautiful blue sky broke through, and the wind stuck around to dry us out a bit. 

this is what makes me smile:

calm after the storm.

it's hurricane time, ya'll.
the rain has arrived here in south central pa, and with it has come a bit of wind. nothing too exciting yet, but we're still right on the edge of the action, so we'll see what happens in the next 12 hours or so.
the rain...i kind of love it, even though it can be so destructive. there's something different about tropical rain. maybe it has a subtle hint of pineapple scent or something. ;)
i went out a bit ago to help my mom unload the car (she HAD to go to the grocery store, of course! milk, bread, and eggs...does everyone make french toast when there is a major weather event?), and since i was pretty much soaked through from that, i figured i might as well take a stroll. it was warm rain, and the droplets weren't the tiny stinging kind, nor the big, fat ploppy kind. they were medium sized, soft-ish, and filled more of the air than the average rainstorm.  it was nice.
of course a rainy day is also a great time to crack open a good book. too bad i couldn't find one! instead, i spent the afternoon cleaning and reorganizing hannah's closet and dresser, and then watched a couple of movies. i still would have rather had a book, but it wasn't a bad afternoon.

this is what makes me smile:
haha i don't know what to say about this, but it makes me laugh every time i see it.

today was weird.

it's kind of taking me a while to get used to waking up at 5:30 again...and since i've been staying up way too late, for way too long, when 9 or 10pm roll around (or 11 or 12 for that matter..) i'm just not tired.
so i've been having some lack of sleep issues, which may be contributing to my feeling GAH! the past few days. but anyway, today i took a nap in the late morning because i didn't want to look like a zombie for the event i was doing chair massages at in the evening.  soooooo, (wow, this is pretty wordy.) i kept having these really weird dreams. i don't normally dream if i happen to take a nap, so that was weird to start off, but the weirdest part was how vivid they were. and they were scary. they were like those half awake dreams, where you don't think you're asleep but you actually are...i'll spare you the details, except for one. in every one of them (there were several..not really sure how many..i WAS asleep. hehh) i woke up because some invisible something was grabbing my feet and pulling me down. symbolic? dreams are weird.

i finally finished my website (welll....finished my "rough-ish" website) and made some business cards. that was kind of fun, even though i just filled in a template and printed it out on some premade cards from staples.

the back to school event went well..i did 6 seated massages and made a teeny bit of cash in tips...so i celebrated with an ice cream cone. :) it was really nice to see my old co-workers, and the kids. i swear, kids are great because they are so honest. if they love you, they tell you and you can see it in their face, and feel it in their hug. if they hate you, they tell you and you can see it in their face, and feel it in their hug. heheh. nothing is better than a sweet hug from a kid who's glad to see you. :)  and there was cotton candy, so that was a plus.

some photos i took this morning after hannah got on the bus:
i love it when it's misty in the morning.

this is what makes me smile:

rocks shaped like hearts.

yeah...not gonna lie, it was a pretty craptastic day.
BUT it started off with a spectacular sunrise. :)

sometimes, i just want to say more than i should...but my brain doesn't get that should part to my mouth fast enough. sooooo...  :/

this is what makes me smile:
he is totally watching for hannah to get home. :)

long day doing lots of boring papery school/work work. bleh. i did take some outside breaks though..
hannah's first day of 6th grade was a success...if you don't count the bus zooming past her at the stop this morning, and then forgetting to drop her off this afternoon. :P
on one of my walks i saw a plant that reminded me of my childhood. i used to pick these seed pods off and use them as "money" when i played store or whatever with my sisters. fun times.

this is what makes me smile:
strange plants.

aren't you lucky? it's a double post day!

;)

so, we had class at my instructor's house again this evening (still one of the best days, meterologically speaking, that i've seen in a long while!), so that we could use her internet in order to work on our business plans. fun, fun.

after about an hour and a half of that, my ADHD kicked in....it started with the leg shaking, then the pen tapping joined in. eventually, i just had to get up and move. soo i asked her if she would mind if i took a little stroll around the farm. she thought it was a great idea & gave us all a tour. 

we got to climb up  in the haymow and check out all the nooks and crannies in the barn. next, we met the sheep! i don't know what they are called, because she couldn't pronounce the breed name, but they grow hair in the winter instead of wool & they look more like goats than sheep.

and chickens! 

and bees (stayed pretty far away from those...)

love this view! our mini mountains always make me smile. :)

so, we just had an earthquake...i thought i'd post my blog entry for the day early, just in case i get swallowed up in a chasm on the way to school.

the unfortunate part of this early blog post is...i have absolutely nothing to say. heheheheeeh. aside from the ground shaking us so much that water sloshed out of the cat's bowl, today has been pretty non eventful. the weather is absolutely gorgeous. a/c is off, windows are open, "sun is shining...the weather is sweet, make ya wanna move ya dancin' feet..."

crikey! the leaves are startin' to change!! that's early, even for here!

this is what makes me smile:
little tiny moths.

only one more day before school starts...where did the summer go?
there are still a ton of things on the "to do" list that hannah and i made that are undone.
oh well, good thing we wrote in pencil!

i found out today that i can start attending classes with the new crop of students who have just begun their schooling at PMI. those 3 months of material and time i missed because of starting late will be made up in no time.  the new session is only one day a week, the downside is that their class is on mondays, from 8:45-4:15. my class starts at 4:30 and ends at 9:30, so for the next month or so, mondays will be very long days for me. hopefully it will help me out with some of the things that i missed that i still kind of struggle with. and it's always good to get more practice..which will hopefully help to bolster my confidence as well.
i also found out we have a public speaking assignment due in a month or so..NOT looking forward to that one. :/ gulp.

this is what makes me smile:
having a kid as weird as i am.

(this is how she came out of the bathroom after "brushing her teeth" heheh)

"The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain." - Thomas Jefferson


"Chocolate is a divine, celestial drink, the sweat of the stars, the vital seed, divine nectar, the drink of the gods, panacea and universal medicine." - Geronimo Piperni, quoted by Antonio Lavedán, Spanish army surgeon,1796


"The divine drink which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink permits man to walk for a whole day without food." - Hernando Cortés (1519)


"Chocolate remedies adversity." - Jareb Teague 
(i tried this one out one time...it worked. haha. there was a coworker i had who, for various known and unknown ridiculous reasons, haaaaated me. then i got her a kit kat bar. after that she only hated me when i wasn't around ;) )


"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." - Charles M. Schulz


i am a fan of chocolate. the darker, the better. since i know that chocolate has many health benefits, i didn't feel too guilty about making this deliciousness. (we'll just pretend that the cream used doesn't detract from the wonderful goodness of the chocolate, okay?) i didn't have allspice as the recipe called for, so i used a little chili powder and a teeny bit of cinnamon instead. i also had a bit that didn't fit in my tiny loaf pan, so i made a few cute little truffles. mmmMmMmm.
 in case you are unaware of the good that dark chocolate can do, here are just a few examples: dark chocolate stimulates endorphin production, contains serotonin, and various natural stimulants that provide feelings of well-being; when taken in moderate doses daily, dark chocolate can reduce blood pressure, and lower LDL cholesterol; chocolate is full of flavonoids, which act as antioxidants, which protect the body from damage caused by free radicals; dark chocolate has a low glycemic index, and acts as a mild anti-coagulant. plus it tastes yummy. :)


this is what makes me smile:
duh. chocolate.

i've spent most of my day battling an evil forsythia...i am not a fan of those things. this one has probably been planted for at least 10 years; it was about 20 feet wide and almost as deep. while i was away, my mom and dad took out about 1/4 of it and today i'm glad to say i got it down to about 2/3 gone. the main plant is HUGE, the stems are more like trees than a bush...i had to get out the hacksaw! hopefully we'll have a couple more nice days next week, and i can get it finished, because the mulberry trees are just about far enough apart to string a hammock between them and i'm anxious to give that a try. :)


this is what makes me smile:
living in the country.

this morning i had an appointment that i was not looking forward to. as an assignment for school, i had to tour a local retirement home's wellness facility. i was not excited about this for two main reasons, first is the awkward fear i have of going to places and speaking with people i don't know. the second reason is that old folk's homes tend to make me feel very sad inside because they are usually thought of as a place where you go to die. while death itself is not that troubling, sitting around waiting for it to happen does not seem like a good time to me.

thankfully, one of my fellow students went with me, so at least i had a security blanket of sorts. it also helped that she is pretty sociable, and did 99% of the talking when our guide asked us anything. i am happy to say that my second issue turned out to be a non-issue where this particular facility is concerned. upon our arrival (after dodging 6 or 7 speedy golf carts driven by some "in a hurry to get somewhere" residents), we were ushered into a state of the art, four million dollar aquatics and wellness center-which was built entirely on donated money. !! nice job, community!

the pool area  is really nice and is used, not only by residents and staff, but by a local school district as well. there is a heated therapy pool with a deep area for exercising, and a shallow sitting area. residents are encouraged to use the therapy pool before or after physical, occupational, and massage therapies. the large pool is not laid out in the typical deep end/shallow end configuration. there is a typical deeper area for swimming laps in lanes, there is also a shallow lane for those who are uncomfortable in the deeper water, but still want to walk and be able to get the benefits of exercising in the water. there is also a system of railing for them to hold on to for balance. off to one side, but connected to the large pool is a smaller, deep water pool for diving and exercise. the locker room area is not typical of what you would find in a "regular" aquatics center, or in a "normal" senior center, either. it is a community locker room. one large room full of lockers and a few benches, with large closed bathrooms that include showers all around the perimeter. this allows the residents to have more independence as they decline in function. they can have a loved one help them, or a staffer, or if they have their grandchildren visiting, they can herd them all into one of the bathroom areas with no problems. 

there is an awesome "exercise studio" where they have tai chi, yoga, zumba, and other classes for residents and community members. the cardio/weight room was just awesome. it's full of great equipment that is easy for seniors to use..there is a really interesting machine that simulates different situations in which your balance would be thrown off, and helps them to maintain their physical ability to stay up...or at least get back up if they fall. there are no weights on the strength machines, they are all powered by air pressure, so the residents can be independent and not have to ask someone to pick up that 10 pound weight for them. 

down the hallway is a salon, a spa, a billiards room, an internet cafe, a business office, library, three restaurants, banquet rooms, a computer lab,an art studio, and an entire hallway with classrooms where they teach continuing education classes like algebra, botany, creative writing, and philosophy. 

can you tell i was very impressed? this is not a place where seniors are going to die. it is a place they are going to live-more richly than most younger people are living! this facility is truly offering opportunities to maintain wellness in all aspects-physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, social, environmental...it was really reassuring to me to learn that this place exsists..and is a humming hive of activity and vitality.

anyway, i guess my commercial for the brethren home is over now. heehee.

it was a beautiful day in the neighborhood, so han and i decided to go in search of the sunflower fields over close to baltimore. we had no luck with that, so we went over to the rail trail and headed out for another library challenge hike. this one was 3.5miles. i had my doubts as to whether hannah would make it..she tends to start whining around the 2 mile mark when we're not biking. i think she made it to about the half mile point and was dying of heat exhaustion (it was 81F)-"MOM! i'm SWEATING!!" gasp! no! say it's not so!!!  miraculously, at about the same time, we entered a wooded area of the trail and she decided that she would survive, after all. so we walked to maryland to find france. heheh.  the whole time, we were hearing thunder rumbling in the distance, and i was praying that the storm would hold out until we got back to the car...it did, thankfully, because when it let loose, it wasn't joking. 

this is what makes me smile:

SUNFLOWERS! 

(not the fields full we were looking for, but these were a good consolation prize)

also:

when hannah plays with photo shop.

trippy, dude.

i am really going to be sad when hannah goes back to school next week. i could never understand those moms who can't wait until school starts again and the kiddos are out of the house- i love having her home, but she is very excited to be going back, so i guess i should be glad that i don't have one of those kids who hates school and throws a gigantic fit when it's time to go.

today was full of games and movies. :) there was monopoly, connect four, battleship, life, electronic life, monopoly deal, and yahtzee. we couldn't find scrabble, or we would have played that, too. we watched the goonies and rio. we did laundry, dishes, and swept the floor, cleaned the living room, and sat outside watching some boats on the lake. i love summer vacation. haha. i don't wanna go back to school! :P of course, autumn is probably my favorite season, so that always takes the sting out of the end of summer blues. :)

this is what makes me smile:
spending time...

i needed a day of outdoorsy refreshment today..and thankfully, the weather cooperated.

i spent a fair amount of time cloud watching...i spied a dinosaur, a bunch of grapes, a bull, a doughnut, and a turtle, just to name a few.

this was after i had an early morning appointment, and then a pseudo-interview in which my former boss offered me a job for $2 less an hour and half as many hours. that was a very easy, "no, thank you."  :) and so now it seems that my sabbatical has turned to outright ending of that job, and i am officially on the hunt for something that will pay the bills. wheeeee. my favorite activity.

after all the vitamin d synthesizing, i was feeling quite chilled out and had a fantastic nap...which left me energized and needing to move, so hannah and i went for a walk at the lake. and it just happened to be around sunset. it was a good one.

we also remembered that we had somehow forgotten about that awesome library challenge, so we decided to see if her passport book was still in the jeep. it was. then we looked to see if there was a "destination" nearby. there was. so, off we went....to "belgium!"

along our journey we saw:
an out of place kitty,

a very still bunny,

a groundhog that moved too fast to capture in a photo,

some cute little yellow flowers that i have yet to identify,

the marina,

some good climbing trees,

some little critter's house,

our house,

"baby trees...i will be the first to hug them!" hahahaa,

the "round house" or "educational building,"

a little more sunset,

and when i turned around, hannah was gone...heart attack city!!

but of course, she was in the tree right beside me. :/

and when we got home...

guilty! mmm

all in all, a pretty good day. :)

this is what makes me smile:

what a difference eyebrow direction can make.