On the road (or in the air) again...

i officially give up the "theme" blog entries. forever. until i feel like doing one again, which i will undoubtably forget about or just not be able to think of anything to write about pertaining to said theme...

i am headed south of the boarder in a little over 30 hours..this is an adventure i've been anticipating excitedly since way back last fall. i was blessed to receive lots of financial donations to make my trip to Nicaragua possible, and have been promised lots of prayer support while i am gone. THANK YOU to all of my supporters. i love you guys so, so much. ♥

some things have cropped up in my life in the past couple of months that make me feel like someone is out to ruin this thing for me....which can only mean that good things lie ahead! right? seriously, one blow after another has come at me, affecting this trip directly or indirectly, trying to distract me, take away my enthusiasm, from all angles...craziness. but no one is going to steal one more ounce of my joy. i just refuse to give it up. i am going. i am going to love God, love others, and serve wherever/whomever i can.

in addition to being able to serve, i hope to:

• have an amazing time
• make and strengthen friendships
• experience a fascinating culture
• sample some delicious(hopefully) cuisine, including a sweet little cake called tres leches, which i had years ago and remember fondly..
• maybe feel an earthquake or two
• climb a volcano...or three
• spend a weekend on a volcanic island in the middle of the world's only fresh water lake that is inhabited by sharks...
• swim in the pacific ocean for the very first time
• lounge in a hammock
• get to practice my VERY limited spanish & likely get made fun of by the locals
• maybe see a monkey..which i am kind of excited about and freaked out about at the same time
• take a boat trip
• see some awesome trees and other natural beauty
• and mooooooooore. :)

some things that i could live without experiencing:

• seeing a tarantula
• seeing a python...from too close, anyway
• finding a critter in my sleeping station..whatever that may be
• having my eardrum(s) rupture, or getting a migraine because of these aggravating sinus issues i'm having
• heartburn.

heheh. 

so..there you have it. 

now. i'd better start packing...

1 Corinthians 16:14 "Do everything in love."

When my world is shaking...heaven stands.

When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands. ♥

Cancer sucks.

As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord ’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord ? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great. You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way. (Psalm 18:30-36 NIV)

people are fickle. one minute a kid is best friends with someone, and the next he is knocking their tower down and kicking the pieces all over the room. obviously, the victim of the tower demolition feels a certain amount of injustice, gets angry-or sad-and has some kind of emotional reaction. nine times out of ten, a third party comes onto the scene, either voluntarily or after being summoned by the demolition victim. this third party will almost always first quickly console the victim, and then berate the tower wrecker. after sufficiently chewing out the offender, the third party "hero" normally does one or more of these things; helps the victim to rebuild the tower, finds someone else to help the victim rebuild the tower, offers moral support to the victim and a bit more castigation to the demolish-er, or simply walks away. interestingly, a majority of the time, the tower wrecker will also have a desire to help rebuild. human nature causes us to think, "no way would i let someone who wrecked my tower help me to rebuild it!!" thankfully, kids aren't human. heheh. not fully human, anyway. more often than not, the tower wrecker is welcomed back into the good graces of the victim and construction commences. it never surprises me that the new tower is always far more awesome and elaborate than the old tower was.

this is what makes teachers smile:
when kids stick up for other kids.

this is what makes kids smile:
candy.

My Methodist neighbor is my brother.

God is so much bigger than we give Him credit for. His Church is so much more than we sometimes want to allow it to be. Bigger than labels. Bigger than traditions. Just big. And we need to stop trying to break it down and isolate ourselves from each other. Why is this hard for us?

This is what makes the congregation smile: when the visiting pastor nearly topples the music stand because he is "used to speaking from behind a solid, poundable surface..oops."

And also, when this is said:
"I need to get to the text before I become a homiletical nightmare up in here."

so, it turns out that 3 days of me is more than enough. Heheh.

that little exercise was supposed to be a means to begin to "see amy as the rest of us see her" rather than through my own self-filtered view. the idea of the photo of yourself a day challenge is, at least partially, to help people (ladies, specifically) to be able to see ourselves as others see us, and to be okay with whatever that is. i very much appreciate the sentiment, and i can see where she was coming from...it's important to have an accurate picture of how the world sees you. to become comfortable with that picture, and accept yourself for who you are.

the thing is...i am really about having less of me to worry about accepting. less of amy's issues, less of amy's wants, less of amy in general...and more of Jesus. as for the part about being comfortable with how others view me- i am actually trying to care less about that, too. i want to be seen by others the way i am seen by God...and that doesn't look anything like amy. because of His Grace, when he looks at this girl, He sees Jesus. He sees Jesus. and that is Who i want everyone else to see when they look at my life, too. because, as much as i want to be loved and cared for by others and to have true, meaningful friendships-what I want most is to reflect the love of Jesus, so that others might also turn toward Him and give Him glory and honor.

so, we now shift to something that makes me feel much more comfortable...23 days of anything BUT amy. :)

this is what made a kid on the bus smile this morning:
seeing a squirrel eating a nut on top of a fence. :)

"if you have then been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." colossians 3:1-3

happy fan. 

this is what makes me smile:

when my team wins the SUPERBOWL.

"he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

i will say of the Lord,'my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom i trust.'

for He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler

and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with His feathers,

and under His wings you will find refuge;

His faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

you will not fear the terror of the night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

a thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand by your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

you will only look with your eyes 

and see the recompense of the wicked.

because you have made the Lord your dewlling place-

the Most High, who is my refuge-

no evil shall be allowed to befall you,

no plague come near your tent.

for He will command His angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways.

on their hands they will bear you up,

lest you strike your foot against a stone.

you will tread on the lion and the adder;

the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

'because he holds fast to Me in love, I will deliver him;

I will protect him, because he knows My Name.

when he calls to Me, I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will rescue him and honor him.

with long life I will satisfy him

and show him My salvation.' "

psalm 91 

roar.

i have many notebooks. none of them are full. 

this is what makes me smile:
learning.

"therefore, as God's choice, holy and loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. be tolerant with each other and, if someone has a complaint against anyone, forgive each other. as the Lord forgave you, so also forgive each other. and over all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. the peace of Christ must control your hearts-a peace into which you were called in one body. and be thankful people. the word of Christ must live in you richly. teach and warn each other with all wisdom by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. sing to God with gratitude in your hearts. whatever you do, whether in speech or action, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus and give thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:12-17

introducing....28 days of me.
in celebration of the shortest month of the year.
and as a challenge to myself.

what is 28 days of me?
probably too much.  ba-dum-bum.

the real answer?
i have no idea.

well..i have a little idea. i was directed to a post about a photo a day of yourself challenge...self explanatory.
so here is February 1, 2013. unedited. hehehh. never realized i kinda have a bit of a lazy eye.

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

this is what makes me smile:
dinner and laughing with friends i haven't seen in a while. good times. (and really good coconut shrimp!)

reminder:
things could be worse.

Anchor of my soul-You sustain
When I'm in the storm, 
You remain, You remain
Good to me, good to me...

When it's a quarter past midnight, and the gray skies fade to black,
the waves splash and set me off track...
So my vessel might crash or collapse when I'm attacked
and start wrestlin' in my head with these bad memories 
from my past.
I'm aware of my guilt, overwhelmed,
and the smell of my blood has the sharks that surround me cast under a spell.
They waited for me to fall, but when I fell the water got still, 
and the blood that was spilled protects me-
it's the same blood that cleansed me.
My only defense against my nemesis, now I can rest knowing that
nothing can come against me unless the Father gives consent.
Evil intentions will not disturb God's purposes or interfere,
so who shall I fear if my anchor is secure?
Learning to consider it pure joy when I'm facing tribulations-
praising God instead of complaining and getting overtaken with bitterness.
Looking at the pages of the book of James and seein' the ways that 
God works through the trials to make us more mature in our faith,
And it reminds me how desperate I am in this desert land, 
thirsty for Your mercy and plan while You give me strength to stand.
You're my greatest Pleasure, yeah, no matter what the weather I face, Lord.
You never forsake my fragile life- 
I'm safe under Your sovereign Grace.


Anchor of my soul-You sustain
When I'm in the storm, 
You remain, You remain
Good to me, good to me...


At some point every human looks right in the eyes of agony, 
and through tragedy, asks himself,
how can this happen to me?
You might be the type with enough insight to hold on for your dear life,
but slipping 'cause your grip is not as tight as you might like.
You ain't immune to it, naw, and if you're true to yourself then you ain't new to it,
trusted and self-lusted and lured to it.
So when the darkness overwhelms me, and a tide of lies rises and swells,
it is well what compels me.
When faced with adversity, Your Truth constantly reminds me that 
You command the seas with ease, and with words you turn a wind to breeze.
Helps me understand that we stand on a solid Rock, 
not on sinking sand.
Through the providence of pain You perfect Your plan.
Pre-destined, we test it when the works and words of God cooperate
and educate men in a great gift of grace and faith-
That even though it's obvious when my outlook's ominous,
You bound my heart and my conscience, and give me a constant calmness.
So when the pain comes like rain from the parts of life that maintains it's strain,
I can put my trust in the Hands that sustain.
It's profound that with all these sinking ships around me, 
He surrounds me and He anchors me with His Grace abounding.


Anchor of my soul-You sustain
When I'm in the storm, 
You remain, You remain
Good to me, good to me...

Oh Lord
Good to me, good to me
Good to me.

Anchor 
by Beautiful Eulogy, featuring Josh Garrels

Soul food.

"LORD, hear my prayer. Listen to my call for help and answer my prayer. Show me how good and loyal You are. Do not judge me, Your servant...No one alive could be judged innocent by Your holy standards. The enemy has hunted me down, and crushed me into the dirt; stomped me to within an inch of my life. I have been put into a dark hole, buried like those long dead. I am ready to give up, I am losing courage, my spirit is draining away, my heart is heavy, like lead. But I remember what happened long ago. I am thinking about all You have done, pondering the ways You've worked. I stretch out my hands to You, waiting for Your help, thirsting for You like a desert thirsts for rain.
Hurry and answer me, LORD! I have lost my courage, I am nearly at the end of my rope. Don't turn away from me; don't ignore me...that would be like certain death. Show me Your faithful love in the morning. I trust in You. Show me what I should do. I put my life in Your hands! LORD, I come to you for protection. Save me from my enemies, You're my only Hope! Show me what You want me to do, teach me how to live to please You; You are my God. Let your Spirit lead me over level ground. LORD, let me live so that people will praise Your Name. Show me how good You are, and save me from my trouble. In Your love, vanquish my enemies; make a clean sweep of those who harass me, because I am Your servant. "

"But You, LORD, protect me. You bring me honor; You give me hope. I will pray to the LORD and He will answer me from His holy mountain. I can lie down and rest and know that I will wake up, because the LORD covers and protects me. So I will not be afraid of my enemies...even if thousands of them surround me. LORD get up! My God, come and rescue me! If you hit my enemies on the cheek, you will break all their teeth. LORD, the victory is Yours! You are so good to your people."

"LORD, listen to me and understand what I am trying to say. My God and my King, listen to  my prayer. Every morning, LORD, I lay my gifts before You and look to You for help. And every morning You hear my prayers.
God, you don't want wicked people near You. They cannot stay in Your presence. Fools cannot come near you. You hate those who do evil. You destroy those who tell lies. LORD, You hate those who make secret plans to hurt others.
But by Your great mercy, I can enter Your house as an invited guest. I can worship in Your temple with fear and respect for You. LORD, show me Your right way of living, and make it easy for me to follow. People are looking for my weaknesses, so show me how You want me to live. My enemies will not tell the truth. The only want to destroy people. Their words come from mouths that are like open graves. They use their lying tongues to deceive others. Let their so-called wisdom wreck them. Let them be caught in their own traps. They have turned against You, so punish them for their many crimes.
But let those who trust in You be happy forever. Protect and strengthen those who love Your name. LORD, when You bless good people, You surround them with Your love, like a large shield that protects them."
..from Pslam 143, 3 & 5

"No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; and every tongue that rises against you shall be proved wrong. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, declares the LORD" Isaiah 54:17

"I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for!"

Jeremiah 29:11-The Message

sometimes it's good to have a reminder. 

2012, you were weird, and you made me cry a lot. and laugh a lot. i am glad i met you, but i have to say, i'm not really that sad to see you go. 

on to the next!

this is what makes me smile:
freshity freshness.
you'll have to imagine what that one looks like for yourself.

peace.

sometimes, when you're by yourself, feeling pretty alone, and you're maybe having a teeny melt down, shouting to God-not in a voice of triumph or a voice of praise, but in a voice of defeat and confusion-and as soon as the shout pauses because you are tiiiired,  THIS song comes on the radio....well, it's hard not to feel like the God of the Universe is listening only to you, and you are His favorite. and He loves you. more.

this is what makes me smile.
feeling refocused.

Murrah Crumus, ya'll.

top ten awesome things about christmas 2012

1. it's Christmas. Jesus still loves me, and would come to earth as a poor little baby again tomorrow if i needed Him to. Hey Jesus, it's Your birthday, we're gonna party like it's Your birthday. (yeah i know. not the actual DATE..but the day we celebrate..can you believe someone actually tried to start an argument about this with me this week? hahah ohhh, people.)
2. family time. i love it. even when it's insane, chaotic, and overly....warm. 
3. IT SNOWED. first white christmas i can recall in over a decade..sweet. :)
4. gifts..i got super awesome gifts this year. yeah. i'm going there. why were they so awesome? because every single one of them showed evidence that the person who gave it to me cares enough about me to know what things i enjoy. ♥
5. gifts..the ones i gave were winners. not to toot my own horn.. i love to see people's faces light up when they open up a gift they actually like. :)
6. sledding. on christmas. yeah, i know i mentioned the snow already, but not all snow is sled-able. this was. and it was fun. 
7. the guinea pig is still alive. he somehow picked up a bad respiratory infection which we were assured would likely kill him in days. he's squeaking at me right now. :)
8. we did not have to watch "A Christmas Story." instead, it was a marathon of "Lord of the Rings."
9. there is another storm on the way, so both my sisters and their families are staying another day...or two. YAY! more niece & nephew time!!
10. the mayans were wrong. hahah not that i believed that silly nonsense...but at least i don't have to hear about it any more! 

this is what makes me smile:

unexpected christmas snow.

:)

i guess when i'm not "being thankful" i can't think of anything to write. huh. how about that..

random fact of the day: i saw a kid with a bright orange afro today. it's his natural hair color. it. is. perfect.

this is what makes me smile:
christmas trees....even when they are crooked, undecorated, & unevenly lit. heheh

today i have too many things to write about. i will only choose one. big brother. in the form of live feed classroom cameras. um...does anyone else out there think this is a horrible idea?

sure, it's good for parents to be able to keep an eye on their kids, and their kids' teachers..but how close an eye do they really need to keep? i mean..is it really fair that anyone who happens to be in the scope of the cameras will never be able to pick a wedgie without an audience? or what if you forget to wash your hands after blowing your nose one time? is someone going to call you out on that?

i had a grandmother picking up her grandson this afternoon, who walked into the room with the biggest, proudest, glowing smile on her face as she loudly proclaimed, "N!! you took a NAP today!! we are SOOO PROUD OF YOU!" to which both N and i replied simultaneously, "nuh uh." haha. and then grandma proceeded to argue with me (me-the chick who sat beside N for the better part of an hour TRYING to get him to sleep, but not succeeding, and finally giving up-only to have him wake up the children on every side of his cot..grrr), saying, "well his mom said he slept." end of discussion.  ? his mom works 25 miles away...oh, yeah...the cameras. well, sorry granny. she didn't see what she thought she saw. 

i am not a fan. there were also a few parents who burst through the doors wearing much less proud faces..and who were yelling about their child's poor behavior before they even said hello. :/ yeah. camera surveillance is a terrific idea. 

sike.

this is what makes me smile:

...at least there aren't any cameras in the bathroom. 

i forgot that i originally intended to only have thankful posts until Turkey Day...oh well. it's good to be thankful. most times when i think of the word thankful or thanksgiving, it takes me back to the 80's and the first Bible verse that i chose to voluntarily memorize. "enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. be thankful unto Him, and bless His Name." Psalm 100:4 :) a good one, i think. i was probably around 7 or 8.

Day 30:
today at work i thought of what i was going to write here. and now i forget what it was. heheh. oh what a poor short term memory i have!
i am thankful for chick fil a's ice dream. it is delicious. i am thankful for this crazy, sometimes incredibly boring, but still good life i've been given, and i am thankful for opportunities to serve my God and bless the people around me. and i am thankful for you, whoever you are, for reading this thing.
i am thankful that i am thankful.

this is what makes me smile:
finding an old picture of my dad in a tree stand...and then taking a pic of a pic ghetto style instead of scanning it. heheh.

what a weird week.
both good weird and not so good weird. just plain weird. when a toddler wants to eat paint, there is nothing you can do or say that is going to stop him. just saying.

Day 26:
Thankful that i was able to convince one of my sisters to stay with us for the week! YAY!! more sweet niece hugs & kisses!

Day 27:
i was thankful that it wasn't day 26 and i didn't have to repeat that day of work. heheh. jk. (mostly)
i was thankful for snow. even though it didn't snow enough to be pretty.

Day 28:
i am thankful for my friends. i have more than i deserve..a strong core of people who i know i can turn to if i am freaking out (good or bad), if i need advice, or just a listening ear, people i can rejoice with, praise God with, do nothing with... and people who feel the same way about me.

Day 29:
i am thankful for technology.

this is what makes me smile:
a picture i will insert later, when i can think of something that won't make me feel embarrassed.
:)

it's c-c-cold outside with snow flurries and wind. lots of wind. inside, it's cozy and warm and the house is filled with family. i LOVE this time of year. 

so much laughter, some tears, lots of laundry and dishes, and a general air of chaotic happiness. :) good times.

Day 23:

friday, i was thankful for my daughter, especially. she is so caring and helpful. she is smart, and funny, and beautiful. she loves my Jesus, and is growing closer to Him every day, and this makes me happier than  anything else in the world ever could. ♥

Day 24:

thankful for surprises. and for a hopeful future. 

Day 25:

i am thankful for heat. brr. and socks. and scarves and hats and sweaters and blankets, and for people to snuggle with. :)

this is what makes me smile:

moe.

it's the big day...my favorite holiday of the year. my family is gathered together, my nieces are running around holding hands-the cutest thing i've ever seen. my giant baby nephew keeps trying to eat my tiny baby niece. and my kiddo gets to be the cool big cousin. my sisters & their husbands are here...somehow i always forget the amount of hilarity that happens when we are all together. my cheeks hurt and i've laughed so hard i cried more times than i can count already.  there are pies in the oven, turkey waiting to be FRIED, and a big ole batch of my mom's mom's home made stuffing-which is not stuffed into anything but a bowl. haha.
i am so thankful for all the blessings i have been afforded in this life. my heart is full. ♥ happy thanksgiving.

Day 21:
i am thankful that my relatives are some of the most ridiculously amusing people i have ever met. i love being surrounded by funny funnies.

Day 22:
i am thankful for this mixed up crazy series of days on this earth that i have called life. and i am also thankful for the days i have ahead. live it up, people.

this is what makes me smile:
today, everything.
:)

oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh myyyyy gooooooodddnnnneeeessssss.

today i had a GREAT day at work. i think it is mostly because i got to spend the day with a class-full (mostly) of kids that i have taught over the past 4 years. i know those guys. i know how they are, their quirks, their humors, their bathroom habits...too much? okay. i will NEVER get tired of hearing a kid delightedly yell, "MISSS AAAAAMY!!!!!," run toward me, and fling their arms around me in the most honest hug ever. never, ever, ever.
today i heard everything from, "why did YOU come back?" to, "oooh, miss amy...i LOVE the sparkles in your hair!" (ha! gray. :) ) to, "i missed you so, so, so, so, so, so much...wanna play UNO?"
it was fun. and i hope i get to do it again tomorrow. :)

Day 20: bonus
today i was thankful for all the crappy days at work i have had over the past four years. hearing a 6 year old say to a younger kid who i never had in class, "rhyming words have different beginnings but the same endings. you know...word families? didn't you learn that in miss amy's class??" made me realize that some of them were actually listening. :)

this is what makes me smile:
remembering. (wow...never realized my artwork displays, etc. were hung in such an OCD manner! yikes!!)

i didn't realize it was tuesday already. well...that's something for me to be thankful for in a week when i get to see my far away family on wednesday!

Day 18:
i am thankful to have the freedom to worship or not worship any god i choose. and i am thankful that the God i choose, chose me first.

Day 19:
i am thankful for employment. wait..did i already say that?

Day 20:
i am thankful it's tuesday already and i get to see my far away family in one day! (i KNOW i already said that.)

this is what makes me smile:
not realizing i had my shoes on for over 16hrs. today. they are comfy.

guess i've missed a couple of days here...things have been kinda nutty around & i've been not feeling so great. blah blah blah excuses..

Day 13:
i was thankful for plumbers. septic problems are no fun. no fun at all...

Day 14:
i was thankful for clean clothing to wear.

Day 15:
i was thankful to have a job.

Day 16:
i am thankful for modern medicine, even though i think it is WAY over used...sometimes it's really helpful.

Day 17:
i am thankful that i have a lot of cleaning and things to do today, because it's in preparation for a visit with my sisters and their adorable kids.

this is what makes me smile:
surprise banana cream pie.

i am not good at being a friend. it happens over and over. i find a friend, we get a long really well, have fun together, learn to trust each other. time goes by, we grow. we change. our friendship does the same. we over look one another's faults, help each other to change if we can, and accept help when we need it. we are honest. we talk, we listen, we advise, and even admonish. we argue, we apologize, we forgive. friendship. that is what i wish i could be thankful for today.

Day 12:
today i am thankful for honesty. even when it comes way too late.

this is what makes me smile:
being real, even when real is unusual.

Day 11:
today i am thankful that it's Veteran's Day, so i have something to feel thankful about. i mean, if i didn't feel thankful for the brave men and women who put their lives on the line for my greater good, what kind of human would i be, anyway?

this is what makes me smile:
my daughter. and not a whole heck of a lot else today.


God bless all our Veterans.