i knew this day was coming...i have trying to think of ways to avoid it...no dice. i guess i could have tried to prepare myself, but i'm still not really sure how to do that. in the end it wasn't a miserable failure, my world didn't implode, i did not melt and seep into the ground, i didn't blush fiercely enough to cause me to spontaneously combust, i didn't say anything stupid (you would first have to open your mouth to do that!), didn't spill anything, only tripped once, was not "engaged" by anyone at all, and probably didn't make any kind of lasting impression on anyone. in my more anxious times, this would have been considered a dazzling success! (which is really sort of sad, i guess.)


what was this terrible thing i had to endure? a picnic. with people. i am not so great with people. well...i guess that's not altogether true. i'm pretty good with kids. and people i know..usually. and then there are the odd days when i can go into a situation that would normally cause me to toss my cookies (parent-teacher conferences, bible study groups, grocery shopping, parties, weddings, funerals, concerts, church, etc., etc.) with the casual attitude that i wish i always possessed. why it happens only sporadically, i have no idea, but i think that is the most aggravating aspect of my social awkwardness. some times it is, and sometimes it isn't. 


when it ISN'T (awkward, terrifying, debilitating, irritating, defeating...) i feel like i don't even understand how i can be so "trapped" in my fears of interaction..i feel ...free.  when it IS, 2 timothy 1:7 is my best friend. when it IS, and i still manage to take part in those dreaded types of gatherings (at least somewhat successfully)..i feel like a champion. hahahaa. (which is also sorta sad, i guess.)


hannah came home from camp with a certificate that awarded her for being "most energetic" :) she certainly is that. she said, "i think it's just a nice way of saying i'm crazy and loud." hahahaha  she is very perceptive. 


this is what makes me smile:
remembering grandpa.