ugh.

holistic does not = new-agey.


that is all.




this is what makes me irritated:
closed-minded people who think they know everything.


also this:
labeling. doing or being.

phew.

what i did today:

• stayed up until 3:30am. (insomnia sucks...)
• woke up to the large digging equipment at the neighbor's house going full speed around 7:30. ( :/)
• picked some berries. (and then hannah ate them.)
• finished my homework (well...mostly.)
• had a minor emotional breakdown (..what can i say..probably because i only got 4 hours of sleep)
• worked with willi in class (oooooh can you say ANXIETY?!? FEAR?!? ..but it went really well & she was in a great mood & not too picky picky, so HOORAY!!)
• decided to be sociable & go to the crabshack after class for some delicioso hawaiian shave ice. (nummy nums)

what hannah did today:

• somehow slept through the ridiculous digging equipment.. 
• ate most of the berries.
• played wii.
• had a somewhat less minor emotional breakdown than mine (oh the joys of parenting a hormonal preteen)
• hid in a tree for over an hour.
• read 3 books. (she has a habit of choosing books that are waaaaay below her reading level.)
• cried at me.
• cried some more.
• cleaned her room (partly)
• was all rainbows & sunshine when i got home from school.  :) 

this is what makes me smile;

funny emails from people who (possibly) think i am a diva. 

(click photo for a larger view)

he was a good piggy

one of hannah's guniea pigs is now pushing up daisies, as they say. 
rest in peace, wolfgang amadeus butterscotch "pud"ding mozart. 


this was the only photo i could find with pud in it, where you could see his face. (lily did not think he was so awesome...)

we are amassing quite the little pet cemetery under the cherry tree. :/ needless to say, it was a rather melancholy day.


this is what makes me smile:
having a kiddo who loves aminals.


 
 
 
 

 
 
 

you really should know better

had a random kind of day today...


i didn't sleep so well last night because hannah built an impromptu conastoga wagon-looking fort in the family room and... "pleeeeeeease can i sleep in here tonight?" after i said "sure," there was a dramatic pause, "of course bertie (dog) will only stay down here with me, if YOU sleep down here, too....." so, i slept on a pitiful pile of leftover blankets. we were twisted around like pretzels to fit all three of us in there, and by about 3am the dog was on the couch and only my left leg was still "inside." at some point, i claimed the couch & the pup went back to the floor..but not without numerous half asleep power struggles.


somewhere around 7, i finally had some delicious mulberries..they probably should have been left to ripen one more day yet, but how can you say "these aren't ready, no thanks!" when a sweetie peachy kiddo brings you a pile of mostly ripe berries and exclaims, "i have a delicious surprise for you!!" ?  :) you can't. you just smile and eat them and hope she waits for you to wake up before picking them tomorrow. hahah.


i bought a bed from a lady who posted on craigslist, we haven't put it together yet, but hopefully it will help my room to feel a little less crowded. han & i went to ross to see if we could find some sheets..nope. haha we did score a bag for hannah to carry "library books and whatnot" ( :) she is such an old lady sometimes), and the kid was psyched because not only is it adorable, it's made entirely of recycled plastic bottles. ahhh gotta love my little conservationist. ♥ 


shopping always brings out the hungry beast, so we decided to get some dinner at BOB EVANS'. not my favorite, but it was the kiddo's choice and the parking lot was nearly empty, so that was a giant plus.
when we got inside, a rather elder looking gentleman seated us at a booth for two. hannah ungracefully bumped the table while being seated and managed to knock down everything that was on top. :) (she gets her clumsiness from  her dear mother, heheeeh.) 
so we were picking up the various condiments and menus, etc. and the elder gentleman says, "you two sure get along well...are you sisters?" to which hannah laughed loudly and i replied, "she's my daughter." 
this stopped elder dude in his tracks and with a face that showed ..astonishment? confusion? disbelief? disdain?? he replied, "well just how old are you anyway!?"
before i could even answer, the polished elder-woman who was seated across the isle piped up matter-of-factly, "i don't know how old she is, but YOU are old enough to know better than to ask such a question of a lady!" hahahaaa. at this, our host sniffed and walked back to his post. 


(i have just been summoned to the family room, "ma, come check out my new, IMPROVED fort!" ...i must say, it's much roomier than last night's version. :) )




this is what makes me smile:
living room forts.


also:
take two.





AND:
road signs that look like people.  

a forest-y friday

"Going to the woods is going home."-   John Muir 

hannah and i spent a lovely 2 or 3 hours cavorting in the forest this afternoon. it was wonderful. being out away from buildings and...things...puts me in awe of the beautiful creations all around. when i am surrounded by nature and its richness my heart turns to worship. why is it so much easier to pray in the wild? i always forget how peaceful, yet full of energy the woods are. so quiet, until you really listen.

"When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee; How great Thou art!
How great Thou art! Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee;
How great Thou art! How great Thou art!"

this is what makes me smile:

nature.

blogger is not cooperating with me.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

this is what makes me smile:
baby corn.

school's out!

yippee! let the summer fun-ness begin!!! 


to celebrate, hannah & i watched "gnomeo & juliet" (super cute) and had a delicious brunch.


this is what makes me smile:
celebratory blueberry pancakes with bananas. mmm.

i'm melting

i tried to spend some time outside this morning, but it was like breathing in cotton candy out there. so i stayed in an did some cleaning, i know fun stuff, right? i also finally watched avatar. good movie. 


to do today:

• um...laundry. for real. there is still more. - check (well..i'm prematurely checking, i've still got one load in the washer.)
• bag up debris in the yard -fail. (waaaay too hot out there)
• dishes - check (wow. i don't know if i can handle all this excitement.)
• give up on chores & watch a movie - check
• don't forget to pick hannah up -
• go to class - (this one could be painful, considering i still have a wicked sunburn.)

the lameness of this blog amazes even me, my friends. :)

oh well..we can't all be dickens. 

this is what makes me smile:

remembering winter.

can't think of a title

it's nice to be able to sleep in on a monday. and by sleep in i mean get up at around 8:15. in the a.m.   


what i did today:

• hugged my kid.
• laundry. 
• yard work.
• more laundry.
• outdoor fun with hanner.
• yep...more laundry.

i wish i had some deep reflections or something about the meaning of memorial day.. i don't. it mostly depresses me. don't get me wrong, i'm very thankful for all those gentlemen and ladies who have laid down their lives for my puny little one. i have quite a few grandfathers and uncles and cousins on that list of brave individuals. it just makes me sad..that there is war. and then i feel cheesy. 

this is what makes me smile:

backyard battling with $10 water cannons.

treading blindly

yeah, so i'm kinda having a hard time catching up to all the new stuff blogger has added in the last 2 years. hahah..so if i've added your blog to my list & you don't want it there, just let me know. i have attempted to "officially" follow all the blogs i read regularly (or have in the past) but i don't see a couple of them on the list and i'm not really sure why. oh well. i guess i'll get it figured out eventually.


today was pretty boring. which was incredibly awesome. sometimes it's just good to do a whole lot of nothing. my fascinating to do list follows:

• hug hannah - check (yeah, totally going to be on the list every day.)
• get lost in a book - check (this is how i managed to check off the next item on the list.)
• get a ridiculous obligatory memorial day weekend sunburn - check (yay for multitasking!)
• go to pharmacy to get some more coco butter - (works better than aloe)
• take a wondrous sunday afternoon nap - i failed on this one..
• blog - check!

the traffic around here was awful today..tons of people flocking to the lake for the weekend...i think i  must have passed 3 cars on my way to town! 

i really have nothing else to say. i mainly just wanted to prove to myself that i could do this thing 2 days in a row. I AM SUCCESSFUL! heheh

this is what makes me smile:

freshly seeded fields.

also:

almost ripe mulberries.

 

well then

sooo...it has literally been years since i updated this blog. i have found, by experimentation, that i tend to fail miserably at long term projects. i am also, apparently, a repeat offender. i like to try again. and again. and again.

i don't know what this will become on this go-round, if anything at all, but here i go again.

to do today:

• go to the library to pay my fines and renew my card - check (actually didn't have any fines..the miraculous does still happen.)
• get the ingredients needed to make a pineapple upside down cake for my dad's birfday-check (gross.)
• random yard work items
• wash my jeep-check (i am actually cheating on this one, mother nature helped me out in a major way by providing a free car wash.)
• dinner with mom, dad, and han for dad's birfday
• clean the bathroom
• update blog-in progress
• hug hannah-check (i just put this on here so i'd be sure to have something checked off & would be able to feel at least semi accomplished.)
• take a walk

i really like the photo & noting of something that makes me smile/happy (though i might expand to include other facial expressions/emotions) so i am going to continue on with those.

this is what makes me smile:

playgrounds & kids

not a single post

in the entire month of october. what!? where did those 31 days of autumnal beauty go? and what the heck was i so busy doing that i couldn't stop for 5 minutes to write a blog? a lot happened in october, but at the same time, not so much.
the first weekend (or was it the second??) i went to the national apple harvest festival with my sisters, their respective male counterparts, hannah, and my cousin susan. it was fun, and strange, and really great to be able to spend time with so many people i love at once.
stuff at work has calmed down a bit. i still have days when i come home and wish i didn't have the job i do, and i am still pining for a day when i can work from home or something similar. mrs. shirley has been a great help, and i can see that a lot of the problems i was having were because of inconsistency with the teacher who was with me before, and a general feeling of, "there is no hope for this classroom". soo we've still got a VERY long way to go (as evidenced by the fat,bruised lip i was given by one of my pupils last thursday) but we have done a lot of improving in the past month and a half. i am a little more hopeful these days. i have my first field trip on tuesday, ask me if i still feel hopeful after that.
the third weekend hannah and i took a short weekend trip to north carolina where we stayed overnight with allie, and then spent a few days with one of my favorite ladies in the world! we had a meeting for our upcoming trip to jamaica (i'll blog more on that later), and it was fun and exciting and i enjoyed every minute of it. while i was in town i also stopped by the old KEC III and surprised my old coworkers. it was soo good to see them, and even better to be missed by them.
the down side of the trip is that both hannah and i got sick and had to miss work and school on monday.
hannah and i have been enjoying taking some long walks with ferris. it's so beautiful here this time of year! i always knew i'd see autumn in the north east again sometime, and it hasn't let me down. there were even snowflakes a few days last week! (that was a little early for me, but hey, i take them whenever i can get them.)
hannah and i attended "treat or treat in the park" last weekend, it was fun, and a good opportunity to check out some local businesses that i didn't know existed.
i feel like this post is kind of a waste of cyberspace, but i also felt the need to update. i am going to try to be a more faithful blogger this month.

this is what makes me smile:
little girls dressed as daisies.

maybe i jumped the gun a bit...

after laying it all out about exactly how much i do not enjoy my new job, i did a LOT of thinking, writing, praying and stewing about the situation. i had really felt that this was the job i was supposed to take, everything fell in line exactly, and i had peace.
then i actually started the job and my peace took a vacation-in it's place, doubt took up residence. i've been feeling inadequate, incompetent, and incapable. i've been cranky and whiny, and i've had a roaring headache every single evening. i've had horrible days even when i am determined to be positive and let the Spirit shine through. i've felt deflated and defeated, and i guess i just had to come to that point. i let it out. i put it on the line. i made up my mind that if something didn't change remarkably for the positive yesterday, i was putting in my notice.
i talked to God the whole way to work-i normally do this, but yesterday morning it was a bit of a different kind of talk. i am not always one to take an authoritative determined tone with my Creator. i mean, He has my whole life in His Hands...who am i to tell Him how things really need to be, or else? hahah. i am really glad He's got a sense of humor, and that He loves me. in a way, i almost feel like He wanted me to get to the point where i was going to be decisive and resolute. and boy was i.
i told Him i couldn't do it anymore. i wouldn't do it anymore. i didn't have it in me, and if that drastic, positive change didn't happen-and happen before i left at 3:30-that was it.
i asked (i won't say demanded because that doesn't sound as "nice" as asked, but you may draw your own conclusions as to why i put this here in parenthesis;) )Him for clear guidance and also for a miracle.
i get to work around 8:30. At around 9:15, He sent me an angel named Mrs. Shelia. Mrs. Shelia happened upon an old posting for a position at the center. she thought she'd come in to see if there was anything available...she has worked for decades with special needs children, children with behavioral difficulties, and pretty much every other kind of child you can think of. in the hour she spent with us, she saw the dark side of every child in the class, and she kept her cool. she redirected, and commanded respect. she was firm, but not mean. she was authoritative, but not domineering. she has heaps and yards and years of experience, and she is heaven sent. she also paid me the nicest, most sincere compliment i've received in a loooooong while, it brought tears to my eyes, but also made me laugh out loud. she is starting in the early part of next week, and will be my co-teacher.
so i guess i am holding off on throwing in the towel. i've had my little hissy fit, and i actually do feel a little better. i still have the car issue to deal with, but i am confident that my Father will work that out as well. i have once again been reminded that He does hear me, He knows what i need, and He wants me to trust Him for it. All of it.


this is what makes me smile:
gigantic old trees.

it's what i do best

well. it's been quite a few weeks since my last contribution here, so i guess i'll throw one in now.i started working about two weeks ago at the preschool mentioned previously. i have to say that i honestly hate it. i spend my days being hit, kicked, headbutted, spit on, and yelled at by a group full of the most disrespectful, wild four-year-olds i have ever had the displeasure of meeting. i spend my evenings stewing over the days events, and being way too cranky with hannah. i am not happy, and i have nothing positive to say-about anything really. i have never, in my decade of working with children, ever felt so useless and incompetent as i do in this position. i have decided to continue my job search, and as soon as i find something else, i will give notice and leave. i feel selfish for deciding this, it took me so long to find this job, and i was so thankful to have the opportunity. now i feel like i am just giong to toss it away, oh well. call me a quitter.


this is what makes me happy:
Hanninja.



also:
family togetherness.

sunset after hanna

...He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed. Psalm 107:29

today we were visited by tropical storm hanna. she brought us the gift of rain we'd been needing, and a little bit of wind just for some excitement.
i slept like a baby until late in the morning, and then took another afternoon nap later on. it was the perfect day to do nothing, so that's just what i did. the rain stopped about an hour before sunset, and the following pictures are of the extreme western end of the storm.

this is what makes me happy:
natural beauty.

HALLELJAH!!

i got a job today!! i got a job today!!

awesomeness, awesomeness, awesomeness!
i have been waiting and searching and praying for a job since last november when we moved here. i had a couple of good interviews but nothing that really felt like a good "fit". finally, i've think i've found a place where i can be happy, and where i am needed-it's an awesome feeling!

i will be working with 3 and 4 year olds in a preschool about half an hour away from my house. the drive is a beautiful one around curvy roads and up and down beautiful hills and valleys. the staff and directors seemed really nice, and felt like i would be a really good addition to the team, so i'm excited about that.

i met a few of the children who i'll have to put my professional training and God-given common sense to the test with. i am up for the challenge!
i am just so thankful i was able to find this place and that they are willing to work around my schedule so i can still spend my entire afternoon with the munchkin. that was my main prayer request, and it was answered! thank the Lord!

i guess that's all i have to say, i am just so excited and thankful. i will start monday or tuesday pending reference checks and paperwork completion. :) YAY!

thank you to all of you who prayed for me, i surely felt those prayers today!! (sorry about all of the exclaimation points-i am VERY EXCITED!!!)

this is what makes me happy:
an awesomely beautiful place to live, work, and drive.

tuesday morning

i went for a walk today after putting my daughter on the school bus. it was a beautiful, cool late summer morning, and i was blessed to be able to spend it outside taking in the loveliness of the countryside. i am so thankful to be able to live in such a beautiful, safe place!

last wednesday was the first day of school. for the first time in her school career, hannah had to wear a light jacket on the first day. we could see our breath as we walked. for those of you who know me personally, you will realize how special those simple details were for me. i had been away from "home" for almost a decade, and longed for it terribly while i was gone. what i missed the most were the four distinct seasons that we have here in the north east. while i was living in NC, it was common to have summer-like weather until the end of october and beyond. autumn was no more than a passing thought. unless you count the NC winters as being autumn, the temperatures were pretty comprable for that, but the beauty of the changing leaves was long gone by the time it was cool enough for a jacket. i never got used to warm weather and leaves falling at the same time. now, as each day passes and summer begins to fade, i can feel the promise fall in the air. the wonderful crisp mornings and evenings, the clear air, and leaves that are already begining to change their hues-all of these things make me ever more grateful that God has given me the gift of once again being "home".

this is what makes me smile:

having our own apple tree.

hear ye, hear ye

i guess i've decided to give this blog thing a whirl. i'm not promising anything spectacular, or even mediocre. i'm pretty sure it will be mostly photos, random thoughts and comments on lots of nothing in particular sprinkled occasionally with subject matter that i am uncommonly passionate about.

i guess the maiden post should tell a lot about me; who i am, what i'm all about. i don't feel like doing that. maybe i will later, maybe not. i will let you in on a secret though, i hope it develops into something that i enjoy and something that may someday make someone smile.

i think each time i post, i will try to include something that makes me smile. that should be good for my mental health.

this is what makes me smile:
watching sunsets with hannah.