something i don't like to admit that i struggle with.
it's not that i begrudge others their happiness..i am actually truly happy for them, i just wish i could join them in their happiness.
maybe envy is not the right word...it's not really covetousness either...or jealousy. i am not upset because the people are happy, and i don't wish their happiness would evaporate.
i guess a better way to put it is that i am just filled with longing for things, not necessarily physical objects, though i would love a home of my own some day..not that that is my deepest longing. and it's not causing me to be bitter, or angry, just dissatisfied..desirous..yearning...
bah.
i have a free place to live. i am thankful, and i like it here, so that is a major plus. i am not lacking any need. so is longing for more..greedy of me? most of what i long for has nothing to do with possessions.
*later...
discontent. that's it. i am discontented. and the more i think about it, the more i am unconvinced that it is an entirely bad thing. if no one was ever discontent, or dissatisfied, etc. nothing would ever improve or change. maybe this discontentment is a kind of swift kick in the hind end. ..maybe.
this is what makes me smile:
intense yahtzee concentration.
